Sean376's Social Media Musings

Steve Jobs: A tribute

2011-10-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

Thanks steve, for all you've given me.

The flags at 1 Infinite Loop weren't the only things flying at half mast yesterday.

Love,

Sean376

2011-04-14T02:39:00.000-07:00

Social Media types the world over, lend me your ears! I'm back, and dusting this bitch off. Back to cowardly lurk on the edges and talk shit about others. Back to have intimate chats with my former nemesis - now lover - Max Twatton-Brownnose.

I just want to start this post by saying I’m the same person as I always was - sorry to disappoint some of you - and much has happened since I've been away on my travels to find myself. I’d call it a digital sabbatical, but that just sounds fucking gay.

Sean376 The agency that listens to your needs and stakeholder interests at heart using Radian6, is no longer sustainable as a business and is considering packing it in and becoming a strategic social media consultancy in the Immediate Future. Most people don’t know this, but I’ve been volunteering. Since our agency went bust during the great Pepsi pitch of 2010, I have not been paid a penny. Instead I’ve been relying on my mother for shelter, handouts and handjobs. (@Helenium and Dare appear to be hiring, so things - like my cock - might be looking up).

But I, like the social media industry, have been a bit stale.

Blogging continues to be a dull egotistical wankfest comprising mostly of Vincenzini and Whatmough giving their take on what they’ve read in Wired that month, or what they can list out in 10s. Or of course, what new tool/service can be utilised by ‘a brand’ in social media, though not a ‘brand’ any of them actually work with.

Twitter remains nothing more than an egotistical chatroom except with prettier PR girls trying to get a leg up on the career ladder or over Ste Davies believing that both are correlated (FYI - they aren’t, he runs an agency of ONE).

What’s been fun to watch though is how Andrew Bruce Smith lit a fire under everyone’s arse with that PeerIndex shit. Don’t act like you haven’t been back a few times to see where you are. I’m proud as fuck to be at number 238, ahead of 64 other real people.

Seriously though, how satisfying has it been that Whatleydude is down towards 71? And Whatmough, Stuart the Bruce and Dalshit are slipping towards 50? Not that PeerIndex means anything. Fair play to Mazi and his auto-follow script, for being at number one though.

When the next generation of marketing kids become our bosses in 2013, they'll look back on the last 12 months and think, nothing happened aside from John Silk convincing everyone he had time travelled back to 1998 by simply going on eBay and buying old PSOne games.

But with Easter comes a new beginning. Like Jesus, and me, the industry can rise from the dead. There's hope. Here's my appeal to you all for the rest of the year to make us have an industry we can be proud of:

1. Less content gaming and making lists - unless it genuinely provide insight and makes us better practitioners. If you are making a list so people can learn about YOU, then don’t press publish. We know what you are doing. You know what you are doing. Stop it. Then fuck off.

2. Please no more instagrams in my feed. I can understand the appeal. In the same way, blogging allows failed writers to create shitty poetry about the commute to work, instagram allows anyone with an iPhone to think that they are ‘artistic’. “It’s sunny! Quick, take a picture of that rusty sign!”. Go fucking die.

3. Less of the insular mutual masturbation chats please. I hated (old) #commshat when it started and thank fuck Big Tweet Off seems to have died on its embarrassing arse. Now karma karma karma #commschat camelion is under new management, but I’m not sure even that will make me like it. Maybe I am cynical, but no one cares apart from those who take part in it. i.e. those who have fuck all to do on Monday night. And the ‘conversations’ are not any more insightful now, than when they were covered off in 2008.

4.Do some work. Every time I meet a client and talk about Twitter, the first thing they say is:
“isn’t that just a waste of time?” “No” I tell them, “It’s a channel for brands to speak directly to consumers, a space for consumers to become influencers within their own niche communities.” I’m talking a load of shit obviously. It’s a fucking waste of time. There are so many timewasters on Twitter; get out and get us some nice case studies rather than relying on Dell, Ford, Starbucks or Pepsi. Stop making the rest of us look shit.

5. No live tweeting at events. Take your hashtag and shove it up your ass. Unless that event is an actual debate where questions are being taken from the audience, it’s useless. It’s useless because you are doing one of the following: 1) Sharing small soundbites without context that offer absolutely no insight; 2) Hoping to see your name on the Twitterfall, or in a hashtag search, simply for the sake of seeing your own name or 3) clogging up your followers’ feeds. If you are doing more than one of the above you are worse than AIDS.

6. Tell Tim Whitlock to fuck right off. Seriously, would you? If his coding skills are as half-assed as his theories about what I did with the @sean376 account when I went on digital sabatical, shit I mean travels to find myself, then you are fucked if you hire him.

Our industry doesn't have to be shit people! We can do this. We can do this together. Holding each other's cocks.

Sean376: I’m outta here

2010-10-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

It might surprise you to learn that Sean Threesevensix received his fair share of emails, tweets and DMs over the last year and not all of them from fit PR grads.

Some DMs come from unfortunate looking social media types who want us to rip into other social media types who have been getting on their tits. We've also twice been asked for an interview with PR Weak bloggers (we were too busy washing each other’s balls while flirting over Tweets during The Apprentice repeats to take notice).

We’ve even been approached by recruitment consultants via LinkedIn. It’s perhaps indicative of the desperation by the PR industry as a whole that it wants to hire digital people regardless of experience, intelligence, people skills, or in this case, whether they actually exist.

Bar the odd exception (the @funkymonkshit email a case in point) we don't usually respond to any of the above requests, and most pass without notice.

However, in the last week or so, and most recently on Friday, we received some DMs that caused us to pull the plug on things, just shy of our one year anniversary. These weren't messages from some over-sharing egotistical dickhead whose feelings have been hurt by a 'nasty' tweet or post.

These were from someone who came under some fairly intense pressure for 'being sean376'. Risk of ‘losing your job’ kind of pressure, for things that he/she didn't write here.

Sadly, there's no way to really prove that you aren't Sean376. There’s only a way to prove you are. And since we’re not coming out anytime soon, we’ve decided to close things down. When someone feels they might lose their job because they’re accused of posting this rubbish, then the fun’s gone for us. (Apparently we have consciences... who the fuck knew?)

A PR man once said:

Anonymous satirists have long been an important feature of Britain’s media. To unmask individuals such as Sean376 and The Stig is to spoil the fun, and there’s not nearly enough fun in life.

Oh lordy, how we wish that were true.

Granted, this hasn’t been the purest form of satire. It was meant to be a piss take, and a sometimes (okay, most times) a childish one at that. We never set out to be clever or provide a critical analysis of the industry, though sometimes that happened. But if that’s what you are looking for, then look to The Hillard Fleishmann people who are much more clever (and appear to have an actual budget).

Most of the people we’ve met in social media are OK in real life. But give some of them a platform and a ‘voice’, and you get a lot of wannabes, wasting their client's money as they fritter away time during office hours trying to build up their personal brands while talking about shit that they haven't actually done, or work that they are doing badly. While others, just tweet stupid shit. Constantly.

We make no apologies for fucking with these people.

Yes, there's a media (R)evolution (copyright Darth Solis) going on, but get over it. Most are just along for the ride, tweeting mashable and econsultancy posts. Or going to Foursquare superswarm meetups only to discover that the strength of most online friendships are in fact pretty weak (if they exist at all). The people that are doing really interesting work aren’t pretending to be thought leaders, writing top ten lists of Twitter tools or handing out Moo cards every chance they get. They are fucking getting on with it. And so should most of you.

Another satirical blog will turn up soon enough, and it will probably (ironically?) be by the people who’ve been trying to out Sean376 for the last year. Good luck to them.

The industry needs someone to take piss out of it, or at least keep it a bit honest. But, for now at least, that can’t be Sean376.

So on that note, we’re outta here bitches.

You don't deserve us

2010-10-05T05:58:00.001-07:00

Avid readers will have noticed that over the last few weeks my blog has been down. Usually when this happens its because I've been working on some big client viral or I've been taking part in a threesome - I'm either getting paid for doing something I don't like doing or paying for something I actually like to do. There's a bit of give and take.

However, this was not the case recently - the PR industry took and took my ideas and good grace without a thing in return. Over the last 15 mins or so, Paul Armstrong (some of you may know him as @fuckingmonkey) and I have been working on an infographic which we hope will revolutionise the PR industry. Granted we are not the first people to do this, in fact we are not even the ninth or tenth, but by golly we will change the way you wipe your arse or I'll be damned.

So imagine my surprise when our charitable team were asked to present our completely selfless (it's for the good of the industry remember? Ben Matthews can suck my balls - there's a new do gooder in town) proposition at SoCal. We stood there spreading our love seeds over the faces of the audience, hoping that everyone will provide feedback for our lovingly created infographic. It's crowdsourcing innit?

Unfortunately, absolutely no one gave a shit.

So @fuckamonkey had an idea: he would use his crappy column in PR Week which exactly eight people read to challenge the PR industry to provide feedback and discuss the infographic. We all genuinely believe that the infographic is such a work of art that anyone who sees it will literally jizz their pants hence we were seriously considering outing on our blog any PR agency that did not discuss the infographic externally (no doubt they would be talking about it in their staff meetings).

Despite the fact that the link to the Slideshare presentation doesn't work properly and secondly, the writings so incredibly small to the point of unreadable. Despite all this you ungrateful little piss sacks in the PR industry should have discussed our glorious infographic. Even Litman who fucking loves commenting on a sack of salt and pisses himself when he sees an infographic would rather stay at home and scratch his balls.

Well I've had enough. I thought I would share some of my expertise creating FourSquare check-in campaigns in the ad industry to help you mother fuckers in the PR industry. But not anymore. And I hope from Paul's email to you all made you feel shitty about yourself. For those of you who didn't receive the spammy call to arms (and not at all twattish or spammy) email from @monkeyfuck here it is. (it's like a bitchy Winston Churchill but instead of stirring you to fight for your country, your children and the fate of the world, he's asking you to comment on his blog). I won't disclose the email address of those 'pitched' but my maths tells me there are around 100 people on that list.

From: Paul Armstrong

*** Please do not reply all ***

I’m disillusioned (yes, more than normal).

Not one of you have commented on SoTech infographic thus far.

This makes me sad and considering we all make our rents based on this stuff I expect you to have an opinion.

It’s open season. Rip it, me, the idea to shreds. Have NO decency. I want it to be better. I want us (as an industry) to be better.

It is not perfect. It’s a start. How would YOU improve it?

http://www.sotechnow.com

Danke.

Paul.

MORE HERE: http://community.prweek.com/blogs/firehose/archive/2010/10/04/if-you-are-quot-in-quot-social-media-you-need-to-read-this-and-comment-or-get-out-of-social-media.aspx

Paul is very angry, why else would he completely ignore all the rules of blogger outreach and make him self look like an arrogant tit to try get us all to comment on a shitty blog post about a shitty infographic? Even people like Neville Nevlin Hobson (Hobbo to mates like me) wouldn't get away with an email like this.

Despite this, I find that not one more person has commented on the blog! Were you offended by the email or something?!It was MEANT to shock you into looking into your own heart and seeing how much of a loser you are.

I'm not going to beg you to comment any more. We are here working my balls off trying to rerrange the PR industry so we can compete with the ad world. It's not like there are new, better done infographics released every week or anything.

You should comment for your own good. Do it or fuck off from social media. And bring Danny Whathisface from Wildfire with you.

I'm giving up on PR

2010-06-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

I was just reading in PR Week about the 'Barcelona Declaration of Research Principles', the first global standard of PR measurement, that has been created at the second European Summit on Measurement.

Leave it to the PR industry to slap on an official sounding title for what is, essentially, a pile of shit.

The Barcelona Declaration of Research Principles. The Treaty of Versailles. The WTO Doha Round.

With a name like that I expect a lot was accomplished. But instead we get meaningless PR bullshit of the highest order:

Goal setting and measurement are fundamental aspects of any PR programmes. < No fucking shit asshole.
Media measurement requires quantity and quality - clip cuts are generally meaningless. < Qualitative and quantitative measurement? Groundbreaking.
Advertising Value Equivalents (AVEs) do not measure the value of PR and do not inform future activity; they measure the cost of media space. < Yes. Everyone has known this. For decades.
Social media can and should be measured. < FFS
Measuring outcomes is preferred to measuring media results. < Preferred. But we can't always measure outcomes, so lets just fall back on media results.
Business results can and should be measured where possible. < ‘Can’ and ‘where possible’. Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaague.
Transparency and replicability are paramount to sound measurement. < You must be able to replicate how many times you called a journalist to ask if they received your email.

We’re told that this "is the first step towards creating a worldwide agreement on how the impact of PR can be measured." Here's a thought? Why not skip this first step of principles, and use the 3-day jolly in Barcelona to fucking get on with it.

My favourite bit is that these "principles will now be tweaked until a final version is published in mid July." One month to tweak 7 sentences?

Bravo PR, you've outdone yourself with FAIL this time.

So on that note, I think I'm done with PR for a little while.

I'm still around, but I need to spread my wings and see what else is out there. Might change direction and head towards Adland where the chicks are equally fucking hot, budgets are bigger and staff are even less clued up on social media than PRs.

My Media Week: Bitches, this is how Sean376 rolls

2010-06-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

Following on from Claudine Collin's gritty look into the life of Media I thought you would all like to know about my own day to day routine. Many thanks to WAS' top geek Chris 'the hunk' Qwglhm (it's pronounced Applegate) for making a formal request. Unfortunately, PR Week wasn't interested in creating a new column for London's 14th best social media expert (it's a complicated triangle involving Danny, me and Daljit), but I thought it would be waste if I didn't share my story about running my own agency with the whole world.

Monday

After the morning coffee, I scrolled through Twitter for a while looking for inane conversations to join with people I have secretly grown to resent on account of their higher follower count. Decided to stop after about an hour because I realised that reading news articles from others doesn't actually count as 'work'.

I become a bit needy for attention and ego stroking, so it's back onto Twitter where I scour the stream of tweets for the lasted news, which is inevitably from Mashable.

Tuesday

Networking events are my favourite times of the week. It's when people actually get to see me without the screen of the computer and really get to know what makes Sean376 special; and it's the only time I get out of my mum's house. Tonight, thankfully, there's the blogger meet up where all my virtual friends meet up in real life and realise that they've got nothing else to talk about apart from work. But that's OK with me, social media is my passion and I like to show off in front of the new grads who don't realise that none of us are making very much money from social media (ask @Wadds).

I wait my turn patiently, usually chatting to some nobody like @psgrist until I get my turn with Michael Litman. Thank God he's not too cool for us or he would have all the social media bitches hanging off his cock. Instead he's humble enough to sit and share his own thoughts and own knowledge with the rest of us - like he does on his blog.

Wednesday

Today, I pay a visit to my accountant, Smithe & Smithe, in Chelsea. The posh twat Henry Smithe proceeds to tell me that Sean376 Agency is in arrears to the tune of £137K. It seems that the £75 monthly retainer from Catford KFC won't fund the Cristal, strippers, Jay-Z guest appearances and wooing the Chowney with new mobile phone handsets. That's OK though, I reassure him that I'm currently in talks with Weber Shandwick and Hill & Knowlton to be acquired. Another two agencies looking to buy talent because their internal teams are thick-as-shit-online-illiterates. Put yo diamond's in de air, yo!

Thursday
Writer's block hits as I ghost write a blog post for a client. I take some time out to enjoy my Earl Gray while my cat, LOLcat, purrs beside me. As I stare into his proud, whiskered face I wonder why he is the only one that truly understands me? A quick cry in the toilette, and I'm back at my MacBook to finish the post, which has now become a top 10 list of social media rules for engagement. I cross my fingers and hope that no one reads the blog post from that show off Brian Solis about 21 rules for social media engagement. Dick.

PR Week today! Anticipation builds as I wonder which regular talking head the will roll out this week. Wadds? Brucey Bruce Bruce? Dhaljit? Or Dr Web himself @drewb. None of the above, but I'm happy to settle for Jon Silk's comment in a short piece that literally could have been made by anyone.

Friday

Mid-morning wank is interrupted by a client call from Catford KFC looking for a report that demonstrates the value of Twitter in driving people to the store. I frantically try to make the account look active and follow more people, most of whom I know already. And don't live in Catford. And would have no interest in the campaign anyway. But fuck it.

Bank Holiday Weekend

Start the weekend wanking over pics from my Twitter background. Try and focus on @sean376sangels but get thrown off by the looks on most people's stupid fucking stupid ass faces. So I pack it away and some time updating my RSS reader with more blogs I will seldom read, and think about where I should next take my personal brand. This is interupted, of course, by an extended wankathon powered by YouPorn.

Sunday: Sit and cry. Unfortunately to wipe away the tears, I accidently use the weekend's spunk towelette. Wash face. Do laundry.

Sean 376's World-Cup-Elite-Team-Blog-Post-Circle-Jerk-Bum-Fest

2010-06-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

Following Adam Vincenzi's latest blog post I'd thought I'd also put together an arselicky, link baiting post of my own about my favourite 6 a side communications bloggers. Bear in mind that I haven't actually met most of these people and there's no fucking way I'd meet them for a drink outside of networking events.

Goalie - JedHallam

When it comes to the pressure of the penalty shoot out, there's no one I would have inbetween the sticks more than Nottingham-born Fairy of the PR industry. For an example of what it means to step up to the plate, see the whole #wolfstargate scandal of 2010. When all the Tweets were cussing him because they liked Adam Vincenzi a bit betterer (but failed to read the blog post in question), Jed stood up for himself by hiding behind his computer screen chewing his bollocks.

Defence - Robin Grant

Everyone hates him, but he doesn't care. Like a raging bull, you can rely on Robin to fuck anything up the arse if it made him a tidy profit. Imagine: It's 0-0 and you're 30 seconds from full time and Litman (on the opposing team) has the ball and beats Grant for pace and runs past him. Grant, struggling with his weight (of expectation) chases him but can't quite catch up to make the tackle. Make no mistake, Grant would chop the bastard Litman down, take the red card for the team and hang his head in shame for cheating the whole world. You want a winner? You want Grant

Defence - Tim Whitlock

Again referring to the #Starfoxgate scandal, there were two heroes who really pushed the boat out in support of Paratus' spamming. While Dirk Singer will get most of the glory (hole), Tim Whitlock's comment about 'not even knowing who Jed was' was brilliant. Oh fuck it that was my one joke, I've nothing else to say about him - does he write websites?

Midfield - wadds

What is there left to say about Stephen "Wadds" Waddington? When you need someone centre of the park, pulling the strings you need Speed Comms leader. All roads lead to Wadds as evidenced by #chairmanwaddsdrinks bumming hashtag from a couple of weeks back. Leader of the CIPR circle-jerk, Chowney's favourite writer (It's not Danny Whatmough - don't be fucking stupid) - Wadds will boss the midfield and pull all the strings like Speed MD, Steve Earl does with Wadds.

Centre Midfield - Adam Vincenzi

The Ad Man. Admeister. Comms Chat Twitter bloke. Adam Vinhowthefuckdoyoupronouncethat. Sturdy, bald and if he wasn't so fucking cheesily nice all the time he'd look like a right 'ard bastard. This would be a tactical move from Sean376 just to scare to opponents. Something like this, "Adam, FFS, do not open your mouth, do not smile and do not start to talk about either 'coms' or 'chatting'! Just stand there and look fucking hard!"

Striker - Ste Davies

Leading the line would be Geordie Bell End Stephen 'Ste' Davies. The typical footballer, born on the streets, raised by a flock of seagulls, Ste's trademark Tramp Stamps are evidence of his poverty-strewn upbringing. Like Gary Lineker, Ste would get all the glory without doing much work (well he wrote a blog in University I suppose). Like most footballers, he would also fuck anything that moves.

Subs: @Ellabella83 just to see her in some tight shorts. Photos please?

Sean376 to chair CIPR social media advisory panel

2010-04-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

The CIPR called yesterday, but I couldn’t answer my iPhone because I was talking to Nick Clegg about what he should say in the Leader's Debate.

They kindly left a message asking if I’d like to join their social media panel (wankfest) to help social media inflate egos, save more lives and stop poverty in Africa. My first thought was ‘do I look like fucking Bob Geldof?' but after I saw who else I’d be sitting next to I thought – shitting ace. So I’ll now be chairing the CIPR panel, and joining me will be these unknowns, plucked from obscurity:

@Daljit_Bhurji – Daljit and me went to school together, we go way back. It must be hard for him being in my shadow all the time.
@MarkBorkowski- Mark sometimes calls me when Kerry Katona is stood outside his flat swinging her fanny about and begging to be a client. I’m having nothing to do with her since she got fired from Iceland and fucked up the clouds.
@robbrown – Cathy Wallace’s husband is an inspiration. I too will soon write a book about social media and get two page spreads without having any clients. Just as soon as I started noodling Cathy Wallace.
@stuartbruce – When I first set up my agency I called myself a guru, like Stuart, and soon realised that that was the wrong way to go – that’s why I got into politics.
@simoncollister – Simon is We Are Social's CSR knob. How did that hippy manage to scam a job at such a fantastic conversation agency like WAS?
@dannyrogers2001 – Danny owes me a favour after I pulled him off at the PRWeek Power Book awards.
@wadds – I love his shiny head. I can see the future of the web in that shine.
@robin1966 – Who the fuck is this guy?

Which brings me nicely to our Charter:

First rule of CIPR Social Media club, you always talk about Social Media club
The second rule of Social Media club is, you always talk about Social Media Club. And Tweet that shit too.
We have a rotation policy for our circle jerks. CIPR branded hand towels provided.
We only let sexy new people in if they have more than 1,000 followers

So watch out social media industry, because PR's up in this bitch now. And so fucking what if the IAB has had a social media council for two years already? We're brigning the wank towels to this party.

Sean 376 officially endorsed by world leading social media guru, Jerimiah Owyang

2010-02-22T05:25:00.000-08:00

********************PRESS RELEASEEEEE****************************8!!!!!111

Newly formed Social media relationship and engagement agency, Sean376 Pr the social media agency that listens to your clients has been officially endorsed by social media guru, Jeremiah Owywang.

The praise came following a series of tweets detailing the founder of the agency's dreams.

"It is amazing that one of the world leading social relationship gurus, Mr Jeremiah would officially endorse a social media agency, let alone one as new as Sean376 the agency which listens to 16 more degrees than Oglivy. this truly cements me and my agency as one of the foremost communications experts and makes me confident for the pitch for Pepsi's $1billion social media account," said newly promoted leading social media consultant Sean Threesevensix.

"I literally jizzed my pants when he got in contact with me," he added.

The development marks the second time the agency has been forefront in the mind of the some of the PR industry's thought leaders. Just last month Sean Threesevensix began a series of exchanges of Tweets with Shel Israel.

Speaking from his private hideaway in dormant Mount Etna, Jeremiah said:"Lol your a nut".

It is understood that Jeremiah will partake in an internship at the agency this summer.

FAME

2010-02-04T14:59:00.000-08:00

I'm going to live forever...

04/02/10

SEAN 376, THE AGENCY THAT LISTENS TO YOUR STAKEHOLDERS AND YOUR COMPANY ANNOUNCES PROMOTION OF FOUNDER OF SAID AGENCY, SEAN THREESEVENSIX TO SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF COMMUNITIES AND BLOG ENGAGEMENT

2010-02-02T05:57:00.000-08:00

****************PRESS RELEASE**********************8

SEAN 376, THE AGENCY THAT LISTENS TO YOUR STAKEHOLDERS AND YOUR COMPANY ANNOUNCES PROMOTION OF FOUNDER OF SAID AGENCY, SEAN THREESEVENSIX TO SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF COMMUNITIES AND BLOG ENGAGEMENT

Sean376, the agency dat listens to you and your needs and the needs of your stakeholders has announced the promotion of its founder Sean Threesevensix to senior vice president following the growth of the agency and the new client win. The agency’s current client roster includes Sean376 PR, Pepsi, Dell and Lewis PR.

Sean Threesevensix, the son of a rich Israeli diplomat was delighted with the promotion. “I have worked hard to get where I am. Following the rejection from Edelman, @ellabella83 and the UK Government, I am proud to have reached a stage of my career which I can categorically say is ‘a success’. Fuk da police”.

Sean 376’s only staff member, Sean Threesevensix said: “I am delighted to have promoted myself to senior Vice-president of communities. My knowledge of social media is second only to @jangles in the world and I hope to be an inspiration to all those who have ever had a failed dildo importing business.”

For further comment please email sean376th@googelmail.com

The Real Me

2010-01-31T03:01:00.000-08:00

As I gain fame in the industry as one of the social media world's leading thought leaders, there are a number people trying to find out what lies behind the curtains of Sean376's cottaging. Although I've met many of you a number of times at a number of networking dos, people seem to easily forget my face when it is not promoting all them great causes on Twitter.

So just to give those who haven't met me, a taste of the REAL Sean, away from this charade of social media, here are some fun facts about me:

My first social media project came when I tried to sell a viral to an AIDs charity. Unfortunately, they did not want to hire us.
On my first day of work experience at Hotwire (before it was 33 Digital) I got so turned on by Drew Benvie’s knowledge that my nose bled. @DomW helped me in the toilets when I passed out
Sometimes, when I've had long day in the offices I like to unwind by visiting the offices of Lewis PR, one of our biggest rivals just to watch @eba work. If I am really stressed I will stand outside his window and make fox noises so that he thinks he's being haunted by a fox.
I'm scared of cats
Sometimes I like to dress as a teenage mutant ninja turtle and walk around Soho pretending I'm going to a party.

Sean 376's social media policy

2010-01-21T02:37:00.000-08:00

When my new employee, @domw asked Sean376 what Sean 376's social media policy was, I said "Dom don't speak to Sean376, read the blog tea bitch". Unfortunately, I got it mixed up and wrote a blog post about my social policy, not our social media policy and how the staff @ Sean 376 should conduct themselves online.

So here it is. I'm totally open to crowd sourcing (it's where all the best ideas come from and the most efficient style of working) so please feel free to add your own suggestions. Clients are also welcome to add to the list- you own us.

Say what you think. The social web is all about transparency. Therefore, if you don’t like coloureds, gays or women, say so. You can no longer hide behind the veneer of a screen. For instance I would like to give the girls from Cow PR a good seeing to – so I will say so. Transparency = honesty = money = sex
If you spot something interesting on the web related to one of your client’s products, comment on it straight away. Do not worry about having any knowledge about the subject, just get a link back to our website. In the age of the real time Web, instantatiousness is everything, you are nothing. I, vice president of Sean376 trust you and love you.
Do not respect confidentiality – if someone has sent an email to you and are not happy because of a tiny grammatical error – out the little fucker. Even if it happened a year ago. That’s what Twitter is good for isn’t it guys?
When disagreeing with others' opinions, cuss their mum – they cannot argue back
It’s a conversation – speak to the readers as if you were speaking to your friends. Use terms such as “for shizzle”, “twat” and “where’s the milk?” regularly in conversations to make sure you are down with the kids. Use your experience of communicating with children on Bebo to help with this. (I realise that this contradicts the first point about transparency but we are all learning in the SM space)
Post under pseudo names when necessary. For example, when someone posts a critical post about your client, do not reply as yourself. Here are some names you can use which sound so ridiculous that people will not try and find out who you are: Max Tatton Brown.

Sean376's Social Policy

2010-01-19T08:15:00.000-08:00

As all the influencers in the world have social policies, I obviously have one too. I hadn’t published until now because it’s been stapled to the back of my bedroom door – for all the ladies to see.

So here’s my social policy;

1. You can reach me anytime, any way, any reason why. Unless you’re Antonia Katasmabis from Edelman, that fox calls too many times already.
Here’s my priority list for when to contact me;

Speaking opportunities (I’m speaking at Le Web next year, keynote, bitches)
Business ventures (Edelman and Speed have already been in touch, but I’m looking for something bigger – maybe WPP should give me a call?)
Book signings (both my guide to Social Measurement and my guide to Penis Measurement)
iPhone application designs (creds: I did Michael Litman’s for him)
Drinks with hot girls

2. You can ‘bell me’ (I’m in with the kids) on 0207 1 376376, visit the 376 office on Greek Street or alternatively, you can spend all your time stalking me on the Internet and attempting to get a job offer out of it, only to be told you have little to no experience but that I’ll hire you as my new head of digital once you’re blog has over 50 subscribers. That’s how I roll.

3. If you have my email address, always ask for a LinkedIn recommendation. Even if we haven’t worked together, or met, or spoken. Even if you’ve guessed my email address. Even if you once saw a picture of my dad and thought it was someone you knew but then found out it wasnt someone you knew. Even then.

4. Facebook – I use Facebook to keep up with everyone from Leeds Met. I studied PR there and I’m friends with all the girls on the course. Which is all of the course. Plus I have over 30k photos on there, including classics such as ‘holding my camera high up pose’, ‘black and white of half my face pose’ and the amazing ‘photoshopped onto an amusing body pose’.

5.Twitter. Ev got in touch recently to tell me to slow down on Twitter, my follower rate is so high the Twitter servers cant deal with it. Fuck him, I’m popular and he’ll have to deal with it.

6. Bebo – this is mainly where I trawl for cyber sex friends, so unless you’re hot, don’t bother.

7. Spotify – as one of the founders of Spotify, I like people to send me mix tapes that indicate how cool I am. I also use mixtapes to show my Twitter followers how cool I am – I released three this week – one was Bavarian techno, the second was Welsh rappers with names beginning with K and the third was Snow Whites Dirty tape – overdubbed Disney tracks.

8. Email. I like email, I can hide behind it.

9. In real life, I like to network a lot. Come over and say Hi. However, if I don’t think that you will be useful to me (i.e. you haven’t got a blog where i can send you shit stories for you to post and which I then class as a hit to my client), I’ll ignore you like I do with @tommalcolm. However, if you are well known (over 200 followers on Twitter) I will find you and stand patiently eyeballing you until you feel too uncomfortable to carry on your conversation. This is how I also make friends.
*Please note, this does not apply if you are female and at least average looking.

So, bear this in mind and get in touch. Not you Antonia.

Survey Reveals Social Media Industry is Getting Better

2010-01-04T03:08:00.000-08:00

*Press Release*

Survey Reveals Social Media Industry is Getting Better

A survey by Sean376 PR, the social media agency that listens to your needs has revealed that five out of ten social media gurus will be posting about their new year’s resolutions in the coming weeks.

Founder and Vice President of Sean376, Sean Threesevensix said: “New Year’s resolutions are a great way of revolutionising the social media industry. I think by adding our own resolutions to the ‘conversation’ we can push Sean376 industries to the forefront of social media solutions market.

Here's the staff at Sean376's resolutions for 2010:

1. I will no longer use the term Social networks to describe social networks. As we know it is all about convergence. Social networks will now be referred to as computers systems and we will not disnguish them from microblogs, blogs, telephones or even Women’s institute meetings.
2. 2009 was the year of transparency.; 2010 will be the year in which companies really get to grips with social media and begin seeding content on forums and blogs as consumers. Companies and consumers will be one and the same.
3. Analysing sentiment will become important. So to do this, we’ll start interviewing the whole of the population of the world about every brand. This might take a while, but social media needs it.
4. We’ll be hiring everyone with a Twitter account with over ten followers. The industry needs people that are their own brand. Personal branding and the rise of the internet. Perfect.
5. I’ll be launching TwEaster. A Twitter party where the rules are all about follower/following balance. So to get an invite, either set up a script or follow lots of people then unfollow them really quickly. Much like ATSV does.
6. I will stop conversing with the old school of social media gurus - they don't appreciate it. It's all about Sean376, Litman and Maxicom now.

The best article about social media ever

2009-11-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

It’s rare that I come across a piece of thought leadership so excellent, that I actually would feel bad plagiarizing it.

So instead of reworking a Mashable article, or writing the first ever top 10 list of why brands should monitor social media, I wanted to create this post and embedded ‘content’ for your reading pleasure.

The Stupidest Article About Social Media Ever

Moron Brown and how I would have saved him from a MASSIVE #PRFAIL #xfactor

2009-11-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for not keeping up with my blog. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks setting up my new business and everything. Although it’s early days yet, Sean376.0 – it’s 16 degrees better than anything you’ll get at Ogilvy is starting to take shape. I have only have my own agency as a client at the moment (£4k retainer for monitoring and viral videos), but I suppose its not far off many of the PR agencies I’ve interviewed with. I’ve no doubt that with @DomW and @pbizzle joining soon, it won’t be long before we start competing with the big boys.

I will give you a better update of my plans for my agency and share some of our best practises once I have a few spare moments. But as someone said at a conference recently – “When does Batman blog?”

Although I have absolutely no experience in either politics and PR, I thought today I’d blog about the furore surrounding Gordon Brown’s MASSIVE #PRFAIL.

The first thing Gordon Brown failed to do (apart from have a personality ROFL!!!!!!!!!!111) is use Twitter, that way whenever he gets a name wrong he could have simply have said “my bad, I’ve got fat fingers”. Admitting to absolutely everyone in the world through Twitter would show how transparent he was. Those in the social media space (i.e. the most influential people on EARTH) would’ve have praised Brown for his attempt at joining ‘the conversation’ and bad publicity would’ve have become good publicity. He would have quickly become favourite to win the election and Team Cameron would be crouching the the corner of the room, rocking in its own piss.

Thanks for your time and I am now going to nominate myself for this link-baiting post of the month award.

Big up the North!

Social ME-dia

2009-10-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Hi folks! Only me again. While I'm sat watching Loose Women and my testicles are being doused in a cup of cold water (don't ask - it's a strange skin condition) I thought I'd let the world know -through this blog - about a new thought I've had that will help you understand people and Web 2.0:

Social ME-dia!!!!

If you want to use this term in future blog post, please make sure you reference me. Okthanksbye

EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!! BY GUM

I’ve been a naughty little monkey

2009-10-22T02:27:00.000-07:00

I thought I had cracked this social media thing, but it turns out I haven’t been playing nice with the PR community since I burst onto the PR and social media scene.

In fact, I received a very nice email with some good advice:

You’re meant to be building relationships, not breaking them down. Creating adversaries so early in your career – especially a career where on and offline word of mouth is key – will most certainly do you more harm than good in the long run.

I’ve been a naughty little monkey indeed. So let me take this opportunity to say that if I have publicly insulted anyone, then I am sorry. Navigating the egos, hot air and drivel from self-styled influencers is truly a minefield and I got it wrong. This social media stuff isn’t as easy as it looks!

The truth is, I look up to so many of you in the PR community. So let’s start fresh, with a new more humble and subtle Sean376. Let’s call me Sean376 2.0.

Last night's PR Week report - My View

2009-10-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

Wow what a night PR Week must’ve been last night! I say “must’ve been” because I wasn’t actually there – I don’t actually work in the PR industry. I’m PR 2.0! (and I haven’t got a job). But what I can do thanks to the wonders of Web 2.0, is SHARE a story and VIDEO! This is what crowd sourcing is about.

PR Weakz (see how I already have the lingo @EdelmanHR?) has already got the video so instead of making you visit the site, I’ve literally COPIED and PASTED it below. It’s like it is actually my content! How great is the future?!

Hopefully I’ll see you all next year when me and whichever agency I choose to join is picking up awards. Come say hi!

Up t'PIT! HOVIS!!!!!!!!

Thanks for making me feel so welcome!

2009-10-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

What a day!

From being rejected for a beer by @twathoang and his ‘real friends’ to being a trending topic on Twitter(1) - I’ve finally made my mark on the UK social media 'scene'(2).

[note: @EdelmanHR, give us a job]

Just look at what the Twitterati have said:

@Bencotton (Who is so brilliantly ahead of the curve, he’s got his Obama avatar ready for the NEXT general election!)
@ChrisReed (Ginger, glasses. Enough said.)
@litmanlive (Hero; needs no introduction.)
@Jedhallam (The catalyst for my new found fame due to his boner-inducing insights into how he interacts with his friends through social media. Must read stuff here folks.)
@Maxicom (Some say he has a punchable face, but I say he’s completely ZANY! Look at that eyebrow. Mad!)
@mynameisearl (Like the TV show! Get it!)
@wadds (Compere extraordinaire... with no hair.)
@benayers (He has the social media X Factor, whatever that might be)

These people have a combined following of about 100,000 people, at least. Have you ever even met so many people? Didn’t think so.

Their kind words are definitely going in my LinkedIn profile. Right next to the section where I try and make out that being in a band is a real job.

Right, off t’shop to buy me some Hovis!!! (then Loose Women before spending the rest of the day harassing/hitting on @EdelmanHR).

Yorkshire! Yorkshire!

1- which we know is a good indication of what EVERYONE is talking about
2- which we know is a good indication of what EVERYONE in business is talking about

Fuck yeah, first post!

2009-10-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

You probably know me as @Sean376, a PR graduate now living in London.

Last year I graduated from Leeds Metropolitan University (2.1 bitches!) and I've been on the social media scene for some time now. I'm currently writing (blogging! oh snap!) the next chapter of my meteoric rise to social media superstardom.

I know what you are saying: 'Blogging was invented, like, 10 years ago, where have you been?' Well, that was just a warm up.

So watch and learn because Blogging starts now.