Sean376 to chair CIPR social media advisory panel

The CIPR called yesterday, but I couldn’t answer my iPhone because I was talking to Nick Clegg about what he should say in the Leader's Debate.

They kindly left a message asking if I’d like to join their social media panel (wankfest) to help social media inflate egos, save more lives and stop poverty in Africa. My first thought was ‘do I look like fucking Bob Geldof?' but after I saw who else I’d be sitting next to I thought – shitting ace. So I’ll now be chairing the CIPR panel, and joining me will be these unknowns, plucked from obscurity:

• @Daljit_Bhurji – Daljit and me went to school together, we go way back. It must be hard for him being in my shadow all the time.
• @MarkBorkowski- Mark sometimes calls me when Kerry Katona is stood outside his flat swinging her fanny about and begging to be a client. I’m having nothing to do with her since she got fired from Iceland and fucked up the clouds.
• @robbrown – Cathy Wallace’s husband is an inspiration. I too will soon write a book about social media and get two page spreads without having any clients. Just as soon as I started noodling Cathy Wallace.
• @stuartbruce – When I first set up my agency I called myself a guru, like Stuart, and soon realised that that was the wrong way to go – that’s why I got into politics.
• @simoncollister – Simon is We Are Social's CSR knob. How did that hippy manage to scam a job at such a fantastic conversation agency like WAS?
• @dannyrogers2001 – Danny owes me a favour after I pulled him off at the PRWeek Power Book awards.
• @wadds – I love his shiny head. I can see the future of the web in that shine.
• @robin1966 – Who the fuck is this guy?

Which brings me nicely to our Charter:

1. First rule of CIPR Social Media club, you always talk about Social Media club
2. The second rule of Social Media club is, you always talk about Social Media Club. And Tweet that shit too.
3. We have a rotation policy for our circle jerks. CIPR branded hand towels provided.
4. We only let sexy new people in if they have more than 1,000 followers

So watch out social media industry, because PR's up in this bitch now. And so fucking what if the IAB has had a social media council for two years already? We're brigning the wank towels to this party.

Sean 376 officially endorsed by world leading social media guru, Jerimiah Owyang

********************PRESS RELEASEEEEE****************************8!!!!!111

Newly formed Social media relationship and engagement agency, Sean376 Pr the social media agency that listens to your clients has been officially endorsed by social media guru, Jeremiah Owywang.

The praise came following a series of tweets detailing the founder of the agency's dreams.

"It is amazing that one of the world leading social relationship gurus, Mr Jeremiah would officially endorse a social media agency, let alone one as new as Sean376 the agency which listens to 16 more degrees than Oglivy. this truly cements me and my agency as one of the foremost communications experts and makes me confident for the pitch for Pepsi's $1billion social media account," said newly promoted leading social media consultant Sean Threesevensix.

"I literally jizzed my pants when he got in contact with me," he added.

The development marks the second time the agency has been forefront in the mind of the some of the PR industry's thought leaders. Just last month Sean Threesevensix began a series of exchanges of Tweets with Shel Israel.

Speaking from his private hideaway in dormant Mount Etna, Jeremiah said:"Lol your a nut".

It is understood that Jeremiah will partake in an internship at the agency this summer.

FAME

I'm going to live forever...

04/02/10

SEAN 376, THE AGENCY THAT LISTENS TO YOUR STAKEHOLDERS AND YOUR COMPANY ANNOUNCES PROMOTION OF FOUNDER OF SAID AGENCY, SEAN THREESEVENSIX TO SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF COMMUNITIES AND BLOG ENGAGEMENT

****************PRESS RELEASE**********************8

SEAN 376, THE AGENCY THAT LISTENS TO YOUR STAKEHOLDERS AND YOUR COMPANY ANNOUNCES PROMOTION OF FOUNDER OF SAID AGENCY, SEAN THREESEVENSIX TO SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT OF COMMUNITIES AND BLOG ENGAGEMENT

Sean376, the agency dat listens to you and your needs and the needs of your stakeholders has announced the promotion of its founder Sean Threesevensix to senior vice president following the growth of the agency and the new client win. The agency’s current client roster includes Sean376 PR, Pepsi, Dell and Lewis PR.

Sean Threesevensix, the son of a rich Israeli diplomat was delighted with the promotion. “I have worked hard to get where I am. Following the rejection from Edelman, @ellabella83 and the UK Government, I am proud to have reached a stage of my career which I can categorically say is ‘a success’. Fuk da police”.

Sean 376’s only staff member, Sean Threesevensix said: “I am delighted to have promoted myself to senior Vice-president of communities. My knowledge of social media is second only to @jangles in the world and I hope to be an inspiration to all those who have ever had a failed dildo importing business.”

For further comment please email sean376th@googelmail.com

The Real Me

As I gain fame in the industry as one of the social media world's leading thought leaders, there are a number people trying to find out what lies behind the curtains of Sean376's cottaging. Although I've met many of you a number of times at a number of networking dos, people seem to easily forget my face when it is not promoting all them great causes on Twitter.

So just to give those who haven't met me, a taste of the REAL Sean, away from this charade of social media, here are some fun facts about me:

• My first social media project came when I tried to sell a viral to an AIDs charity. Unfortunately, they did not want to hire us. 
• On my first day of work experience at Hotwire (before it was 33 Digital) I got so turned on by Drew Benvie’s knowledge that my nose bled. @DomW helped me in the toilets when I passed out 
• Sometimes, when I've had long day in the offices I like to unwind by visiting the offices of Lewis PR, one of our biggest rivals just to watch @eba work. If I am really stressed I will stand outside his window and make fox noises so that he thinks he's being haunted by a fox. 
• I'm scared of cats
• Sometimes I like to dress as a teenage mutant ninja turtle and walk around Soho pretending I'm going to a party. 

Sean 376's social media policy

When my new employee, @domw asked Sean376 what Sean 376's social media policy was, I said "Dom don't speak to Sean376, read the blog tea bitch". Unfortunately, I got it mixed up and wrote a blog post about my social policy, not our social media policy and how the staff @ Sean 376 should conduct themselves online.

So here it is. I'm totally open to crowd sourcing (it's where all the best ideas come from and the most efficient style of working) so please feel free to add your own suggestions. Clients are also welcome to add to the list- you own us.

• Say what you think. The social web is all about transparency. Therefore, if you don’t like coloureds, gays or women, say so. You can no longer hide behind the veneer of a screen. For instance I would like to give the girls from Cow PR a good seeing to – so I will say so. Transparency = honesty = money = sex
• If you spot something interesting on the web related to one of your client’s products, comment on it straight away. Do not worry about having any knowledge about the subject, just get a link back to our website. In the age of the real time Web, instantatiousness is everything, you are nothing. I, vice president of Sean376 trust you and love you.
• Do not respect confidentiality – if someone has sent an email to you and are not happy because of a tiny grammatical error – out the little fucker. Even if it happened a year ago. That’s what Twitter is good for isn’t it guys? 
• When disagreeing with others' opinions, cuss their mum – they cannot argue back
• It’s a conversation – speak to the readers as if you were speaking to your friends. Use terms such as “for shizzle”, “twat” and “where’s the milk?” regularly in conversations to make sure you are down with the kids. Use your experience of communicating with children on Bebo to help with this. (I realise that this contradicts the first point about transparency but we are all learning in the SM space)
• Post under pseudo names when necessary. For example, when someone posts a critical post about your client, do not reply as yourself. Here are some names you can use which sound so ridiculous that people will not try and find out who you are: Max Tatton Brown.

Sean376's Social Policy

As all the influencers in the world have social policies, I obviously have one too. I hadn’t published until now because it’s been stapled to the back of my bedroom door – for all the ladies to see.

So here’s my social policy;

1. You can reach me anytime, any way, any reason why. Unless you’re Antonia Katasmabis from Edelman, that fox calls too many times already.
Here’s my priority list for when to contact me;

• Speaking opportunities (I’m speaking at Le Web next year, keynote, bitches)
• Business ventures (Edelman and Speed have already been in touch, but I’m looking for something bigger – maybe WPP should give me a call?)
• Book signings (both my guide to Social Measurement and my guide to Penis Measurement)
• iPhone application designs (creds: I did Michael Litman’s for him)
• Drinks with hot girls

2. You can ‘bell me’ (I’m in with the kids) on 0207 1 376376, visit the 376 office on Greek Street or alternatively, you can spend all your time stalking me on the Internet and attempting to get a job offer out of it, only to be told you have little to no experience but that I’ll hire you as my new head of digital once you’re blog has over 50 subscribers. That’s how I roll.

3. If you have my email address, always ask for a LinkedIn recommendation. Even if we haven’t worked together, or met, or spoken. Even if you’ve guessed my email address. Even if you once saw a picture of my dad and thought it was someone you knew but then found out it wasnt someone you knew. Even then.

4. Facebook – I use Facebook to keep up with everyone from Leeds Met. I studied PR there and I’m friends with all the girls on the course. Which is all of the course. Plus I have over 30k photos on there, including classics such as ‘holding my camera high up pose’, ‘black and white of half my face pose’ and the amazing ‘photoshopped onto an amusing body pose’.

5.Twitter. Ev got in touch recently to tell me to slow down on Twitter, my follower rate is so high the Twitter servers cant deal with it. Fuck him, I’m popular and he’ll have to deal with it.

6. Bebo – this is mainly where I trawl for cyber sex friends, so unless you’re hot, don’t bother.

7. Spotify – as one of the founders of Spotify, I like people to send me mix tapes that indicate how cool I am. I also use mixtapes to show my Twitter followers how cool I am – I released three this week – one was Bavarian techno, the second was Welsh rappers with names beginning with K and the third was Snow Whites Dirty tape – overdubbed Disney tracks.

8. Email. I like email, I can hide behind it.

9. In real life, I like to network a lot. Come over and say Hi. However, if I don’t think that you will be useful to me (i.e. you haven’t got a blog where i can send you shit stories for you to post and which I then class as a hit to my client), I’ll ignore you like I do with @tommalcolm. However, if you are well known (over 200 followers on Twitter) I will find you and stand patiently eyeballing you until you feel too uncomfortable to carry on your conversation. This is how I also make friends.
*Please note, this does not apply if you are female and at least average looking.

So, bear this in mind and get in touch. Not you Antonia.

Survey Reveals Social Media Industry is Getting Better

*Press Release*

Survey Reveals Social Media Industry is Getting Better

A survey by Sean376 PR, the social media agency that listens to your needs has revealed that five out of ten social media gurus will be posting about their new year’s resolutions in the coming weeks.

Founder and Vice President of Sean376, Sean Threesevensix said: “New Year’s resolutions are a great way of revolutionising the social media industry. I think by adding our own resolutions to the ‘conversation’ we can push Sean376 industries to the forefront of social media solutions market.

Here's the staff at Sean376's resolutions for 2010:

1. I will no longer use the term Social networks to describe social networks. As we know it is all about convergence. Social networks will now be referred to as computers systems and we will not disnguish them from microblogs, blogs, telephones or even Women’s institute meetings.
2. 2009 was the year of transparency.; 2010 will be the year in which companies really get to grips with social media and begin seeding content on forums and blogs as consumers. Companies and consumers will be one and the same.
3. Analysing sentiment will become important. So to do this, we’ll start interviewing the whole of the population of the world about every brand. This might take a while, but social media needs it.
4. We’ll be hiring everyone with a Twitter account with over ten followers. The industry needs people that are their own brand. Personal branding and the rise of the internet. Perfect.
5. I’ll be launching TwEaster. A Twitter party where the rules are all about follower/following balance. So to get an invite, either set up a script or follow lots of people then unfollow them really quickly. Much like ATSV does.
6. I will stop conversing with the old school of social media gurus - they don't appreciate it. It's all about Sean376, Litman and Maxicom now.

The best article about social media ever

It’s rare that I come across a piece of thought leadership so excellent, that I actually would feel bad plagiarizing it.

So instead of reworking a Mashable article, or writing the first ever top 10 list of why brands should monitor social media, I wanted to create this post and embedded ‘content’ for your reading pleasure.

The Stupidest Article About Social Media Ever

Moron Brown and how I would have saved him from a MASSIVE #PRFAIL #xfactor

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for not keeping up with my blog. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks setting up my new business and everything. Although it’s early days yet, Sean376.0 – it’s 16 degrees better than anything you’ll get at Ogilvy is starting to take shape. I have only have my own agency as a client at the moment (£4k retainer for monitoring and viral videos), but I suppose its not far off many of the PR agencies I’ve interviewed with. I’ve no doubt that with @DomW and @pbizzle joining soon, it won’t be long before we start competing with the big boys.

I will give you a better update of my plans for my agency and share some of our best practises once I have a few spare moments. But as someone said at a conference recently – “When does Batman blog?”

Although I have absolutely no experience in either politics and PR, I thought today I’d blog about the furore surrounding Gordon Brown’s MASSIVE #PRFAIL.

The first thing Gordon Brown failed to do (apart from have a personality ROFL!!!!!!!!!!111) is use Twitter, that way whenever he gets a name wrong he could have simply have said “my bad, I’ve got fat fingers”. Admitting to absolutely everyone in the world through Twitter would show how transparent he was. Those in the social media space (i.e. the most influential people on EARTH) would’ve have praised Brown for his attempt at joining ‘the conversation’ and bad publicity would’ve have become good publicity. He would have quickly become favourite to win the election and Team Cameron would be crouching the the corner of the room, rocking in its own piss.

Thanks for your time and I am now going to nominate myself for this link-baiting post of the month award.

Big up the North!