They kindly left a message asking if I’d like to join their social media panel (wankfest) to help social media inflate egos, save more lives and stop poverty in Africa. My first thought was ‘do I look like fucking Bob Geldof?' but after I saw who else I’d be sitting next to I thought – shitting ace. So I’ll now be chairing the CIPR panel, and joining me will be these unknowns, plucked from obscurity:
- @Daljit_Bhurji – Daljit and me went to school together, we go way back. It must be hard for him being in my shadow all the time.
- @MarkBorkowski- Mark sometimes calls me when Kerry Katona is stood outside his flat swinging her fanny about and begging to be a client. I’m having nothing to do with her since she got fired from Iceland and fucked up the clouds.
- @robbrown – Cathy Wallace’s husband is an inspiration. I too will soon write a book about social media and get two page spreads without having any clients. Just as soon as I started noodling Cathy Wallace.
- @stuartbruce – When I first set up my agency I called myself a guru, like Stuart, and soon realised that that was the wrong way to go – that’s why I got into politics.
- @simoncollister – Simon is We Are Social's CSR knob. How did that hippy manage to scam a job at such a fantastic conversation agency like WAS?
- @dannyrogers2001 – Danny owes me a favour after I pulled him off at the PRWeek Power Book awards.
- @wadds – I love his shiny head. I can see the future of the web in that shine.
- @robin1966 – Who the fuck is this guy?
- First rule of CIPR Social Media club, you always talk about Social Media club
- The second rule of Social Media club is, you always talk about Social Media Club. And Tweet that shit too.
- We have a rotation policy for our circle jerks. CIPR branded hand towels provided.
- We only let sexy new people in if they have more than 1,000 followers
