My Media Week: Bitches, this is how Sean376 rolls

Following on from Claudine Collin's gritty look into the life of Media I thought you would all like to know about my own day to day routine.  Many thanks to WAS' top geek Chris 'the hunk' Qwglhm (it's pronounced Applegate) for making a formal request. Unfortunately, PR Week wasn't interested in creating a new column for London's 14th best social media expert (it's a complicated triangle involving Danny, me and Daljit), but I thought it would be waste if I didn't share my story about running my own agency with the whole world.

Monday

After the morning coffee, I scrolled through Twitter for a while looking for inane conversations to join with people I have secretly grown to resent on account of their higher follower count. Decided to stop after about an hour because I realised that reading news articles from others doesn't actually count as 'work'.

I become a bit needy for attention and ego stroking, so it's back onto Twitter where I scour the stream of tweets for the lasted news, which is inevitably from Mashable.

Tuesday

Networking events are my favourite times of the week. It's when people actually get to see me without the screen of the computer  and really get to know what makes Sean376 special; and it's the only time I get out of my mum's house. Tonight, thankfully, there's the blogger meet up where all my virtual friends meet up in real life and realise that they've got nothing else to talk about apart from work. But that's OK with me, social media is my passion and I like to show off in front of the new grads who don't realise that none of us are making very much money from social media (ask @Wadds).

I wait my turn patiently, usually chatting to some nobody like @psgrist until I get my turn with Michael Litman. Thank God he's not too cool for us or he would have all the social media bitches hanging off his cock. Instead he's humble enough to sit and share his own thoughts and own knowledge with the rest of us - like he does on his blog.
 
Wednesday
 
Today, I pay a visit to my accountant, Smithe & Smithe, in Chelsea. The posh twat Henry Smithe proceeds to tell me that Sean376 Agency is in arrears to the tune of £137K. It seems that the £75 monthly retainer from Catford KFC won't fund the Cristal, strippers, Jay-Z guest appearances and wooing the Chowney with new mobile phone handsets. That's OK though, I reassure him that I'm currently in talks with Weber Shandwick and Hill & Knowlton to be acquired. Another two agencies looking to buy talent because their internal teams are thick-as-shit-online-illiterates. Put yo diamond's in de air, yo!
 
Thursday
Writer's block hits as I ghost write a blog post for a client. I take some time out to enjoy my Earl Gray while my cat, LOLcat, purrs beside me. As I stare into his proud, whiskered face I wonder why he is the only one that truly understands me? A quick cry in the toilette, and I'm back at my MacBook to finish the post, which has now become a top 10 list of social media rules for engagement. I cross my fingers and hope that no one reads the blog post from that show off Brian Solis about 21 rules for social media engagement. Dick.

PR Week today! Anticipation builds as I wonder which regular talking head the will roll out this week. Wadds? Brucey Bruce Bruce? Dhaljit? Or Dr Web himself @drewb. None of the above, but I'm happy to settle for Jon Silk's comment in a short piece that literally could have been made by anyone.


Friday

Mid-morning wank is interrupted by a client call from Catford KFC looking for a report that demonstrates the value of Twitter in driving people to the store. I frantically try to make the account look active and follow more people, most of whom I know already. And don't live in Catford. And would have no interest in the campaign anyway. But fuck it.

Bank Holiday Weekend

Start the weekend wanking over pics from my Twitter background. Try and focus on @sean376sangels but get thrown off by the looks on most people's stupid fucking stupid ass faces. So I pack it away and some time updating my RSS reader with more blogs I will seldom read, and think about where I should next take my personal brand. This is interupted, of course, by an extended wankathon powered by YouPorn.


Sunday: Sit and cry. Unfortunately to wipe away the tears, I accidently use the weekend's spunk towelette. Wash face. Do laundry.